Call of Duty: Warzone’s April 1 ‘patch notes’ are actually pretty funny

Call of Duty: Warzone’s April Fools’ joke is a special variant of both Caldera and Rebirth Island called “Totally Normal BR” or “Totally Normal Rebirth Resurgence.”

There’s nothing normal about either mode, as players will notice right away. There are no parachutes in these modes, meaning players will plummet from the plane as soon as they drop. But thankfully, there’s no fall damage.

“Data indicates that a considerable number of Players die upon Infil,” the patch notes read. “Given the ongoing struggle, we’ve removed this initial barrier of entry. We’d like to thank our creators for providing live demonstrations of this issue.”

Custom Loadouts are also gone in the mode, leaving players to fend for themselves using ground loot only. But the funniest bit in the update’s notes is about a fake new Contract called “Subscribe Now!,” which pokes fun at streamers and content creators even further.

“This Contract marks all Players using prefixes/suffixes/clan tags including but not limited to TTV, FBG, YTG, TK, TOK, as high value targets for the duration of the match,” the notes read. “Enjoy the new followers.”

Anyone who’s played Warzone or just about any online game in recent years has seen plenty of players attempting to advertise their streams in their clan tags or usernames, so this fun patch note hits the funny bone hard.

The limited-time mode will likely be gone tomorrow once April Fools’ Day comes to an end. The faux patch notes can be read below.

Gameplay adjustments

• Custom Loadouts have been removed.

“Loadout Weapons were clearly overpowered due to Players equpping effective combinations of Attachments on them. In order to level the playing field for everyone, we have removed Loadouts from the game. May RNG be on your side.”

• Parachuting functionality has been modified in Caldera.

“Data indicates that a considerable number of Players die upon Infil. Given the ongoing struggle, we’ve removed this initial barrier of entry. We’d like to thank our creators for providing live demonstrations of this issue.”

New Tactical Equipment

• Fortification Grenade
  • Players can throw this grenade to generate a 20x20x20 fortified box base equipped with a Firesale Buy Station, Anti-Aircraft Gun, and defensive Armored Truck AI, giving them a distinct advantage during open-area confrontations.

“Upon analyzing our heat maps, we’ve determined that Players need better tools to engage with one another in low density areas. We fully expect portable fortresses to help improve survivability and leave a mark on enemy morale.”

New Contract

• Subscribe Now!
  • This Contract marks all Players using prefixes/suffixes/clan tags including but not limited to TTV, FBG, YTG, TK, TOK, as high value targets for the duration of the match. Enjoy the new followers!

New Lootable Fauna

• Don’t feed the sharks. 🦈

Weapons

Weapon adjustments

Launchers

• Launcher functionality has been modified in Caldera.

Light Machine Guns

• Bren (VG)
  • Minimum Damage increased to 125, up from 30