In 2024, I will finally forgive myself for being bad in games I mastered in high school

This feature is part of Dot’s New Year Resolutions series, where we’re looking ahead to the gaming goals we have for 2024. You can check out the entire series here.

You know that feeling you get every once in a while when you’re tempted to redownload one of the games you mastered when you were growing up? Sure you do. Everyone had their own medicine, whether it was Counter-Strike, League of Legends, Fortnite, or even some odd mode in Garry’s Mod.

As a teenager, I would spend every weekend grinding to get to Diamond in League or Global Elite in CS:GO. Having work tomorrow, the need to wake up early, some errands to run, or kids to care of were imaginary problems that were still years away. The real ones, like homework (and I guess that’s the only one) could wait. My only real goal was to reach the highest rank before the season ended and cement myself as the best player in my neighborhood (though my friends still don’t believe I reached Plat in League’s season four).

They say with adulthood comes maturity, self-acceptance, and some kind of wisdom. If that’s true, maybe in 2024, I’ll finally understand that I won’t ever become as great in games as I was during my teenage years. And that’s okay. 

There are three things certain in life: death, taxes, and struggling in multiplayer games as you get older

When I was a teenager, I had two hobbies–gaming and movies. Considering I’m a games journalist today and have way too many hours on a dozen titles on my Steam account, it’s quite obvious which one was my favorite. As cliché as it sounds, as a shy kid, having a world to dive into after school sparked my love for gaming, and I’m one of the lucky ones to transform it into my job. 

This passion never went away, but it had to make place for other things as I grew up. Life comes at you pretty fast and can be messy, overwhelming, and harsh. As it went on, spending time in front of my PC or PlayStation 4 stopped being the priority as I had to make space for other stuff, and as a result, my skills significantly fell off. 

I still enjoy getting the boys back together and launching League or CS2 (rest in peace, CS:GO). I’ve grown used to the number of cheaters on the servers and the low tick rate, which still somehow hasn’t been updated. What I can’t stomach, though, is how bad I’ve become in these games, and 2024 might finally be the time to come to terms with myself. 

Missing simple sprays, not landing a simple Smoke or Molotov, mismanaging economy (thank you, Valve, for the buy-back option), pushing positions out of boredom or anger. These are all rookie mistakes, and I’ve caught myself doing them way more times than I want to admit.

Alexa, play As It Was by Harry Styles

The feeling of claiming your first Legendary Eagle in CS:GO or climbing to Legend in Hearthstone when you’re supposed to be studying for your final exams in high school is truly unforgettable. They were also valuable lessons of patience and self-improvement.

A part of being a person is understanding how the world around you evolves and how your own habits and lifestyle react to it. I’m not a hardcore gamer anymore, and without practice, I won’t be the master I once was. 

For the past few years, it was hard for me to understand it. But in 2024, I’ll finally forgive myself for being bad in games and deserving that Silver or Gold rank. I could obviously change it by putting more effort and hours into gaming, however, my priorities have changed. It’s time to admit it’s okay (and normal) to suck at games as an adult and finally put my dream of a career in esports to bed.