Why I always come back to League of Legends

It was a warm, quaint morning on Summoner’s Rift. I was dancing by the Red Brambleback, spamming my Mastery Emote, when I saw all five members of the enemy team bullying my Sejuani away from her precious buff. The Fury of the North seemingly wanted to prove that she’s a fighter, not a quitter—she dashed straight into the five players, each more eager than the last to get First Blood and cash in that first 400 gold for an Amplifying Tome or Long Sword. 

Seconds later, her lifeless corpse was lying right in front of me, and suddenly everyone but her was to blame. To her, it was the fault of the AFK mid laner, the dancing Kai’Sa and Rakan, and even more, the top laner sitting at his turret across the map. 

Desperate to come back, Sejuani proceeded to invade, gank, and look for skirmishes in the enemy jungle, but it all ended poorly, and she blamed us all in chat. Needless to say, the game ended in 20 minutes, and so did my adventures on Summoner’s Rift—or so I believed.

Immediately after my incident with Sejuani, I uninstalled League and went soul-searching in World of Warcraft’s Mythic+ dungeons. But even after I adamantly said “I’m never coming back to League,” it wasn’t long until I had the itch to once again feel the thrill of a teamfight, play my beloved Kai’Sa, and just have fun in ARAMs with my friends. So, there I was, reinstalling League for the 10th time on my computer, thinking—and firmly believing—that this time would be different. Except it wasn’t. 

Soon after a couple of fun ARAM and custom games, I’m back where I started: grinding my little heart out for that precious LP. And I’m not planning on stopping until I have a purple border decorating my name. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying myself, at least for the majority of the time I get to play the game, as long as my laners don’t start with Doran’s Spoon and feed their opposing laner. But I can’t really help but wonder, what is it about League that always keeps me coming back, despite the promises I make to myself? I’ve no doubt many of you share the same sentiment, so join me on this journey as we try to unravel the mystery of League and its captivating effect on the human psyche.

How it all started

My League story didn’t start during the golden era of Atma’s Impaler or Mana Potions. In fact, my first contact with the game that would eventually become my life was back during my “teenage dirtbag” phase. I watched my friend playing as Katarina, and he was pulling his hair out in frustration. Back then, I knew nothing about the game, and was perfectly content playing Sims 2. 

Fast-forward a couple of years, and I took my first steps on Summoner’s Rift after my husband insisted I try the game. Noob as I was, one of my first games was as a support Teemo. But my initiation to League ended even before it started, and I uninstalled the game, thinking it was nothing more than a game you’d play to pass the time here and there. Oh boy, did I eat my own words when I finally became fully immersed after watching Worlds 2018. I immediately fell in love with Xayah, thanks to her pretty purple-pink hair and black nails. 

Then, the misery started. I didn’t understand CSing or positioning, let alone more complex terms like micro and macro. But League has a steep learning curve, especially for noobs to MOBA games, and I was fine with ending more than 100 games with a score of 0/10/2 and only 60 CS in my bag. Thankfully, I had my husband on my side, and he painstakingly sat through my early-day games, explaining the ins and outs of League. 

Although my journey began in Iron II that season, only 2,000 games later, I was proudly wearing the Gold IV banner, feeling on top of the world, like there wasn’t a single force that could stop me. 

The six stages of ranked climb in League

After an excruciatingly long grind chasing the stars and reaching for the moon, I was hooked, and there was no going back. I had a new goal in mind: Platinum. So far, each season, I have climbed up through the hells of Silver and Gold to get back into the top 15 percent of League players. But it comes at a price: Every time I gather enough courage to grind ranked, setting my heart to it, I go through the six stages of ranked climb:

1. Feel bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at the beginning of the climb
2. Play games ridden with inting and griefing players
3. Tilt-queue to make up for colossal LP losses
4. Uninstall the game after a nerve-wracking defeat, then question my motives for playing
5. Take a break, then casually reinstall the game with the mindset that I’ll improve now, and there’s nothing stopping me
6. Repeat steps two, three, four, and five again

My love-hate relationship with League

When I end my climb, I get a feeling of relief: A “Dobby is a free elf now” feeling, thinking I can finally play the game and enjoy it with my friends in customs, ARAMs, and Clash matches. But after just a couple of laughs and fun-filled nights, a gaping hole appears—roughly the size of the Void—itching for more ranked games, more competition, more nail-biting and thrilling moments. And once again, I’m back where I started, reading conspiracy theories on League’s subreddit and comprehensive papers on matchmaking and MMR, eventually ending up down the rabbit hole of the losers queue.

So I do what any other empowered young adult person would do: I uninstall League and move on with my life. Or so I think. After months and months of exploring other words like Sanctuary and Azeroth, I start thinking about League again in an idyllic manner, remembering all those moments when I carried the game—the adrenaline rushes I get from teamfights, and the feeling of accomplishment when my team finally kills Baron Nashor. Over time, the itch for League only grows stronger, and I give in to the temptation, only to be reminded of my reasons for quitting the game yet again soon after. 

Is League just too seductive? It keeps luring us back in

To this day, I still haven’t figured out exactly what it is about League that keeps pulling me back in, despite the promises I make to myself every time I uninstall the game. Sometimes it’s the new game mode, a new skin for my main, or simply the itch that has me thinking it’ll be different this time, that “I’m more mature now and I can handle the tilt.” But that all goes away as soon as you set foot in Summoner’s Rift, and you’re right back in the mindset you were in just moments before you deleted the game last time. 

I can’t really tell you whether you’re addicted to the game, or whether it really is the best game out there with everything players need. League has an exciting gameplay loop, intricately designed combat, accessible cosmetics, and room for more improvements in the future—not to mention its rollercoaster ride of an esports scene. For me, it’s a bit of both, but I truly believe League has the best replayability of any game available, with room for both competitive and casual players alike.

Quitting League once and for all

Unfortunately, I don’t have a magic wand or a secret formula that will help you quit League forever, but I can tell you this: if you’re truly enjoying the game, keep on playing it. If not, there’s a whole wide world to explore, and games you haven’t even heard of yet could fill the space in your heart where League once was. I don’t recommend quitting cold turkey, as you’ll only end up coming back. Instead, find a new activity, whether it’s a different game or a new hobby, to replace the time you spent playing. 

That said, it’s nice to know you’re not the only one who keeps making void promises to quit but always ends up going back to League.