Welcome to 2018. There’s a Fortnite porn parody.
“Grab your joystick and jiggle those treasure chests!” reads the opening line of a press release for Fortnut. “The hottest online game is about to get battle royal-ly screwed!”
From the illustrious company that brought you Dick & Morty, Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Bob’s Boners, Fortnut is now a thing, exclusively on happy-time websites Pornhub and WoodRocket for free. It features some… modestly immodest attempts at Fortnite cosplay and a plot that isn’t as clinically constructed as Epic’s own rocket launch. But it’s tough to look away.
The parody was shot by industry titans April O’Neil, Tommy Pistol, Missy Martinez, Paddy O’Gasm, and Seth’s Beard. Yes, the Seth’s Beard of Fap to the Future and Strokémon fame.
The 19-minute video kicks off with a scantily clad “live streamer” playing some Fortnut. We assume the name “Fucknite” was taken. The scene then switches to a squad of in-game characters jumping from the Battle Bus, one of which is a play on the Tomato Head skin—except the tomato has been replaced with a scrotum, who, appropriately, wants to drop in at “Testicle Town.”
“Why are people always busting my balls?” shouts Testicle Head as he gets eliminated, leaving just one male and female squad member left. You can guess what happens next.
It ends with a “Dick-tory Royale” on the screen.
But, if you are lucky enough to be a Pornhub Premium member, you get the “Longer and Fortnuttier Extended Version” which versions an extra 10 minutes. Think of it as Pornhub’s Battle Pass.
